The Ramblings of Rachelle

Miscellaneous Stuff!

2006-02-23T10:53:00.000-09:00

Just some random things to post today!

I've picked my American Idol favorites:
Girls ~ Paris, Lisa, & Katherine...Katherine is my fave!
Boys ~ Ace & Taylor...Taylor is my fave!
Looks like it's going to be another awesome season. I also have to say that I absolutely cannot stand Brenna! Ugh!

Booger-Butt has been especially boogery lately. But it's a cute boogery, not ornery. I honestly think he's just trying to be funny, and not trying to misbehave. Here are some examples:

Last night, both kids were in Sugar-Booger's room watching a movie before bed. Sugar-Booger came screaming out of her room with Booger-Butt hot on her heels, laughing fiendishly. I could tell that although she was screaming, Sugar-Booger was trying not to laugh. I asked her what was going on, and she told me that Booger-Butt was trying to put the TV remote down her undies. Lordamercy!

This morning, Booger-Butt was being very ornery as I was trying to get everyone out the door for school. So I pulled out the wooden spoon and asked him if I needed to spank him...sometimes that's the only thing that works, lol. What did he do? He put his hands on his hips(just like I do!), narrowed his eyebrows(just like me!), and said, "No! I spank you, Mama!". It's terribly hard not to laugh at him, because he's just too darn cute.

It's only 11:00 in the morning...I'm sure he's going to do something else today!

Stressed!

2006-02-23T10:46:00.000-09:00

My friend Heather is always sending me the most hilarious stuff! So I had to share this one she sent today. Wouldn't it be so much FUN to just say this?!

THINGS STRESSED WOMEN MIGHT SAY AT WORK
1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet!
15. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
16. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
17. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
18. Look in my eyes.....Do you see one ounce of give-a-shit?
19. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
20. Chaos, panic and disorder. . . my work here is done.
21. Ambivalent? Well, yes! and no.
22. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
23. Earth is full. Go home.
24. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
25. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
26. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
27. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

Junior & MySpace

2006-02-20T11:17:00.000-09:00

WooHoo!!! Nascar is back!!!

Yesterday we had my brother and sil and their family over for a Nascar brunch. We pigged out on tons of yummy food, then cranked up the surround sound and rocked out to Bon Jovi opening up the 2006 Nascar season at the Daytona 500.

It was an AWESOME race, although stinkerpot Jimmie Johnson won it. Dale Earnhardt Jr. led the most laps and finished in the top 5. Looks like he's going to have a much better season this year. Junior's baaaaaaaaaaaack!

Have any of you heard of MySpace? I know Candle Lady has, lol. If you would like to add me as a friend, my url is http://www.myspace.com/northernnonsense It's alot of fun!

Well, I'm at work...I guess I should look like I'm doing something!

Sisters

2006-02-18T08:34:00.000-09:00

One week from today, my older sister Rebecca will officially be living in Alaska. She is leaving Georgia and all its bad memories behind, and starting a new life here.

Most of you know her story. Her husband was a chauvinist pig and verbally, mentally, & physically abused her. She finally mustered up the courage to leave him about 2 years ago, only to find out that he severely molested their 2 kids at the ages of 3 and 2.

She is on a crapload of medications just to keep her feet on the ground. She has been extremely dependant on my poor parents, and they just can't keep up the pace anymore.

So, our family has pulled together and we're moving her and the kids up here to Alaska. My younger sister and her hubby bought their plane tickets. My sil and I have been gathering furniture and everything needed for her apartment, as well as filling out all the paperwork for her to get my niece enrolled in Kindergarten and get Medicaid, food stamps, and SSI.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a little stressed about her arrival. I want her to have a fresh start, and I want her to gain some independence, but I also know that she is going to need so much help to begin with.

Her 4 year old son is severely autistic as well, and that is also worrying me. He doesn't handle change well at all, and I'm sure he's going to be extremely difficult to deal with for the first few months.

Anyway, if you think of her, say a little prayer that she makes the trip without mishaps and that the kids will cooperate and settle in quickly to their new life in Alaska.

Oh yeah...we're getting her divorce finalised too! Yeehaw!

A little late, but....

2006-02-14T15:13:00.000-09:00

I hope you all had a wonderful V-Day!

I'm getting ready to make a yummy supper for my family, then we're watching American Idol and the Winter Olympics!

Hug and kiss the ones you love...:)

Dreams...

2006-02-12T17:12:00.000-09:00

So, the Winter Olympics have begun.

I get totally caught up in these things, lol!

When I was a little girl, I used to lie in bed at night and dream of being a beautiful figure skate with long, thin legs. I would draw pictures of myself with the cute sequinned outfits. And I would always pretend that my ice skating partner was my handsome husband.

Funny...today, I would fall flat on my ass if I put a pair of skates on, and Tonebone hasn't worn skates in I don't know how long!

Most of my dreams from way back then HAVE come true. I have a college education, a wonderful husband, and the 2 best kids in the world.

This is my present dream: to live each day to the fullest capacity, in the company of the ones I love!

This is me!

2006-02-08T11:16:00.000-09:00

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful.In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind Of Soul Are You?

Website of the Month!

2006-02-07T11:35:00.000-09:00

Awwwww, I'm touched. My friends over at Moms-Online chose my blog for website of the month. Thanks, you guys!

So, about this blogging thing: I'm really starting to get into it. I think at different times during the day, "Oh, I'll have to blog this, etc." It's been a great way to "talk" about things going on in my head and heart...otherwise, I think I might end up in a padded room with fingerpaints.

Have I said lately how much I appreciate all my online friends? I've known Java and Candle Lady for 4 years now! And one of my fondest memories is of meeting Java IRL 2 years ago. What a blast our girls had playing with Husker! And Candle Lady would have never gone and bought a preggo test for Saira if I hadn't made her do it, lol! I don't know what I would do without my online buds!

Can I also just say that I am so thankful for my children. They are such a joy to me!

Today is a good day...:)

Why We Love Children!

2006-02-04T08:23:00.000-09:00

Thanks to my friend Heather for sending this to me! I laughed till my sides hurt. Here it is for all my bloggin' friends to enjoy!

---------------------

A kindergarden pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?", she asked him. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move!", the child answered innocently. "You did WHAT??!!", the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went Pssst and it didn't move!".

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber's chair, while her dad's getting his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too!".

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
"Daaaaaad!"
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No, you had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Daaaaaaaaaad!"
"WHAT?!"
"I'm THIRSTY! Can I have a drink of water?"
"I told you no. If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!"
Five minutes later: "Daaaaaaaaaad!"
"When you come to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says 'For heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'".

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn out the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?". The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said, "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice, "The big sissy!".

When I was 6 months pregnant with my third child, my 3 yr. old came into the room as I was preparing to take a shower. She said, "Mommy, you're getting fat!". I replied, "Yes, honey. Remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "But what's growing in your butt?"

That's why we love kids...God bless them all!

Soul-Searching...

2006-02-01T13:45:00.000-09:00

I realize that lately my posts have been quite depressing, and I'm sorry about that. And I apologise for this post...the trend continues.

I've been doing some deep soul-searching in light of recent events in my life, and I've made some resolutions to keep. I know...too late for New Year's, but I'm going to start anyway.

Resolution: Recognise and own up to my responsibility in the breakdown of my marriage!
Resolution: Never take anyone I love for granted ever again!
Resolution: Keep my mouth shut!
Resolution: Show appreciation for the ones I love!

...Just to name a few...

I've been reviewing my marriage over and over in my head this last week, and it became quite clear to me that I have been sooooooooooo wrong about so many things.

First and foremost, I've taken Tonebone for granted. He's always been so solid and dependable, and I've never had to worry about him doing anything stupid or selfish. He's always put me and the kids first. He's had so many dreams that didn't come true for him, because of varying circumstances. For example, he really wanted to join the military, but was turned down because of his hearing. That's just one dream that's gone down the drain. I haven't fully appreciated what those meant to him until now. I've been so involved with the kids, their schedules, their needs, etc. that I ended up putting Tonebone and his needs on the back burner. There were so many days that he came home from work, and I wouldn't get up from the computer to greet him...I would just say "hi" from the monitor. I always justified myself by saying that I cooked all his meals, did his laundry, took care of his kids, cleaned his house, and so on. It shames me to think that I was so selfish. After so many years of me doing that, I totally didn't even realise what I was doing to him, and he just got to a point where he didn't care for me anymore.

Piece of advice #1: Try to show your spouse one little extra bit of attention every day! Even if you're having a fight, if you truly love them, there's SOMETHING you can do or say that shows them how much they're appreciated.

Things got so tense between us about 2 months ago, that I felt like I couldn't take any more. Tonebone was out for a drive to blow off some steam, and I packed up a suitcase for me and the kids andwas fully intending to go spend the night elsewhere. He drove up as I was putting the kids in their carseats. The hurt on his face was heartwrenching...he loves his kids so much. I was too mad to even stop and think about what I was doing. In the end, I didn't go anywhere. But the fact that I was so upset that I didn't think twice about doing that to the kids should have been a sign to me. But I was so caught up with ME and totally missed it.

Piece of advice #2: If your spouse is a good parent, NEVER use your kids as a pawn in your marriage drama.

I have a big mouth. I admit it. I say things without thinking them through, then regret it later. Through out the last few months, I talked about Tonebone and all that I perceived him doing wrong. Things got back to him, some of it taken out of context and twisted around. Again, I put the focus on him, and shed my own responsibility.

Piece of advice #3: If your marriage is having trouble, keep your mouth shut if you have any hope to save it!

So here I am, a screwed-up mess, but trying my best to right the wrongs that I have done.

Maybe I'll be able to sleep again at night sometime soon...

I love my husband so much. We'll make it, but we have a long road to travel. Hopefully we'll come out on the other side stronger because of it.

Trying to Smile...

2006-01-27T11:46:00.000-09:00

First of all, a heartfelt thanks to all of my wonderful friends for their hugs, supoort and encouragement. Things are definitly tense around the house right now, but Tonebone is doing some heavy thinking, and I'm praying that he makes the right decision.

So, I've been looking at some old photos of the kids that I've got stored in online albums, and thought I would share them with all of you. They make me smile to look at them!

Here are my babies being sweet and cuddly:

And here is our Sugar-Booger...she had just turned 4 years old.

This is my favorite baby photo of Booger-Butt...he was 9 months old.

And here is one of the kids taken in late summer 2004...they were so tan!

I am so blessed to have these 2 kids in my life. I love them more than life itself! I look at them and I know there is a God in heaven.

Heartbroken

2006-01-26T09:18:00.000-09:00

I don't even know how or where to start this post, but I have to get my thoughts down, and this is the best place to put them.

Tonebone and I are having major marriage problems. He's not being abusive, either physically or verbally or mentally. He's being a wonderful father to our kids, and he's being a good provider for our family. But...he doesn't love me. He told me so last night.

He said that being married to me is not what he envisioned it would be. He says he feels affection for me, that he cares for me, that he doesn't want to hurt me, and that he will always be thankful I gave him his children, but that he doesn't love me anymore.

So I asked him, "What does that mean for us? Do you want a divorce?" He says that he doesn't know what to do right now. He wants us to keep going on the way we are for now.

How do I keep going on when I know he doesn't love me?

It would DESTROY our kids if we split up, especially Sugar-Booger. So I can't say that divorce is the answer for us. I know people get divorced all the time, and there's kids involved, and it's hard for awhile, but everyone gets over it and gets on with their lives. But I don't want to put my kids thru that heartache.

Tonebone says that I deserve someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. Well, I thought that person was him. My god, we've been together for almost 19 years! And I still love him! I think about him during the day...I think about how when he hugs me, my head fits right under his chin. I think about he makes me feel safe and protected. Isn't that love? He says that love should be the feeling we had when we were first married, that breathless, butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of feeling, and he doesn't have that feeling anymore...so he doesn't love me. I tried to tell him last night that our love is so much deeper than that "newlywed" feeling. We have 2 children, born out of our love for each other, that bear our traits and personalities.

I refuse to beg for his love. I am a strong person, and even if my heart is broken, I can carry on and take care of the kids and be a good mom. I just don't know how I'll pick up the pieces of my kids' hearts if their daddy decides he wants a divorce.

That's where it stands right now. I've left the ball in his corner. I'll do whatever he decides, but if he's going to split up our family, it's going to be HIS decision, not mine.

I wonder if this is what is called a mid-life crisis?

What I wouldn't give to cry on my dad's shoulder right now...:(

Happy Birthday, Dad!

2006-01-24T12:53:00.000-09:00

Today is my dad's 74th birthday.

Today I am thankful that I was lucky enough to be his daughter.

I love you, Dad!

Happy Birthday, sweet little Saira!

2006-01-22T16:27:00.000-09:00

Sugar-Booger, Booger-Butt, and I all wanted to wish little Saira a happy 3rd birthday!

It seems like just yesterday, The Candle Lady, Java-Mama, & I were all expecting together.

So, sweet little girl...have a wonderful, wonderful day!

Very Cool!

2006-01-21T22:26:00.000-09:00

So....how do you like all my new blinkies?

A huge thanks to Hilary & Java for helping me with the code!

These blinkies describe me in colorful detail.

I think I'm gonna hunt for some more!

Back To The Brick-Pits...

2006-01-20T09:16:00.000-09:00

Here I sit at work again, bored completely out of my skin.

I wish that I could afford to be a SAHM mom again, but the reality of life is that it takes 2 incomes to make it these days. At least in Alaska......

Also, my kids are getting old enough now that it would be stupid to just hang out at home. Sugar Booger is in school from 8:25-3:10, and Booger Butt will be starting preschool this coming fall. I would be bored silly staying at home, so I might as well get paid for being bored silly at work.

Still, as I look out the window at the falling snow, I keep thinking about how nice it would be to snuggle up in a nice warm fuzzy blanket and watch mindless TV all day!

Oh well...wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up faster!

Daddy's Little Girl

2006-01-16T11:00:00.000-09:00

Last night, we received word that my dad is not doing well. He was diagnosed about a year ago with something called Myelodysplastic Syndrome. Basically, it's the precursor to leukemia.

He's taken a turn for the worse.

Everything in me is SCREAMING to get on an airplane and get to him as fast as I can.

He won't let me.

He says my responsibility is to my children, and I need to stay here for them. That there's nothing I could do for him that the doctors can't do. That my mom is there with him, and he's going to be fine.

That's my dad.

His children ALWAYS came first.

He is the father of 6 kids, 3 son-in-laws, & 3 daughter-in-laws. He is Grandpa to 16 kids, and Great-Grandpa to 2 kids. He is truly a modern-day patriarch. He comes from the old school, where Daddy is the breadwinner, and Mom stays home with the kids; yet, he is able to embrace the idea that his daughters work outside the home, as well as inside the home.

He was there for every first pee & poop in a potty, every first day of school, every tooth that fell out, every emergency surgery, every breakup, every graduation, and every wedding. He was on the phone within minutes of every grandchild's birth, welcoming them into the world.

He managed to make every one of his daughters feel like we were each "Daddy's Little Girl".

I remember thinking that no one could ever be as all-powerful, all-knowing, and as supremely wonderful as my dad. To this day, if I am ever in need, both emotionally or physically, I pick up the phone and call Dad.

Now I face the very real possibility of losing him to a hard-to-pronounce disease that is ravaging his once strong body. I hope I can.....

Dad, you're my hero. Whatever happens, the legacy that you are will be carried on in your family!

Hell has frozen over!

2006-01-14T22:36:00.000-09:00

Or, at least it feels like hell has frozen over.

It's freakin' cold here right now! I just looked at the thermometer and it's 11 degrees outside with a north wind blowing.

On one hand, I love these cold, wintry nights...the kids are all warm and comfy and snuggled in their beds, and soon hubby and I will be spooning in our bed with our feline family member curled up on top of us purring gently.

On the other hand, the cold makes me think of death. Everything is either dormant or dead! Even the animals are hibernating!

Did you know that in preparation for hibernation, animals will eat incredible amounts of food so they pack on an extra layer of fat for warmth and nutrition while they sleep?

So maybe that can be my excuse for getting fat and lazy this winter!

Mommy For Sale?

2006-01-11T16:00:00.000-09:00

Oh, the things my daughter comes up with!

I just picked her up from school.

She came running up to me, gave me a hug, and said:

"I love you, Mommy. You're the bestest mommy in the whole world, and I think that I'll never sell you!"

So precious...:)

I think that I'll never sell her either!

In Love Again...:)

2006-01-11T10:11:00.000-09:00

I am still in love with my husband.

My SIL talked to him last night. He came home, walked in the door, wrapped his arms around me, and said, "Honey, I am so sorry...I had no idea!" We put the kids in bed early, then we sat on the couch and talked and talked and talked. At times, we were both crying. I can count on one hand the times I've seen my husband cry, so that's saying something. We were able to settle a lot of stuff between us.

Anyway, I've been thinking alot about my marriage the last few days, and this is what I've concluded. We've been married for almost 15 years, and been together for 19. You can get stuck in a rut so fast, and not even realize it. You just assume you know how your spouse is feeling or how they think, and it gets easier and easier to let things go untalked about.

The best thing that's come out of this whole situation is that we both realize the importance of communication.

Anyway, after last night, I realize again how much I love this man. He is an awesome father first and foremost. He is the best provider for our family...even when money is tight, he always provides for us. Considering he grew up without a father, I think that he's very well-rounded. We made a pact to emphasize something positive about each other every day, and also to have a date night each month to keep our marriage healthy. We don't want to "exist" for the sake of the kids, then have everything fall apart when the kids leave the house.

So, girls...thanks for being here for me over the last couple of days and being my sounding board. Love ya!

I love my SIL!

2006-01-10T13:17:00.000-09:00

Well, things are looking up today.

My SIL came over to my house and approached me about the whole situation I discussed in my post yesterday. She totally sees the same thing I am seeing, and she KNEW I was bothered by it. We talked for 3 hours! So she is going to talk to my hubby and set some boundaries. We got alot of stuff cleared up between us.

We're also planning an overnight trip to Whitehorse next week...woohoo! My lil' man is going to have to come too, but we're still going to have alot of fun.

So, I'm much happier. Hubby will be pissed, but he has to be confronted with it. I'll keep you updated!

MEN! You can't live with them, you can't live without them...

2006-01-09T13:48:00.000-09:00

So hubby and I had a huge disagreement last night. To borrow from Jennifer Aniston, I think he's "missing a sensitivity chip" sometimes. Here's how it went down:

My brother and SIL are on the last legs of their marriage. She's been threatening to leave him for months now, and I think she's finally working up her courage to actually do it. Now that we live here, she looks to us for emotional support, and I'm really glad that we can be there for her.

The problem is, hubby takes it all very seriously. He will drop everything to help her out, he listens to all her woes and is a shoulder to cry on. He's more of a father to her 2 kids than he is an uncle. I'm honestly very glas that he does all this stuff for her and the kids, because they DO need help.

It's just that I end up feeling like a 3rd wheel when she's around us. She and hubby get to laughing and talking and drinking their Molsons and having a grand ole' time together, and I get stuck watching and refereeing all the kids. For example, they all came over for dinner the other night. I had to work that day, so as soon as I walked in the door, I had to start cooking. Everyone arrives for dinner, hubby and SIL immediately start chatting and laughing, then they both start telling me to sit down and relax. WTF??? I'm trying to cook frickin' dinner here, people! The kids are all running wild, so it's mean Mommy/Auntie hollering at them to settle down, etc. So I'm uptight?! Hell, yeah!

Then we go snowmachining and sledding a couple of days ago. Hubby takes me for one ride on the machine, then SIL gets to go on like 10 rides. I could hear them laughing and talking as they went zooming away, and there I stood for 2 hours watching all the kids again!

They come to our house last week, and hubby and SIL get into a contest where they're running and sliding on our hardwood floors and seeing who can go the farthest. Then they get into a little wrestling match...again, I'm the one running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to keep the peace between the kids.

So last night, hubby took my nephew back home just before we had dinner. I was already stewing about this whole thing, so yeah, I might have been unreasonable. Anyway, he comes in the door, and this is what he says to me: "Now honey, I don't want you to take this the wrong way...just hear me out, OK? Do you think you could talk to SIL and get some meal ideas from her? She says she knows how to shop frugally since she was on food stamps for awhile, and she knows how to make good meals out of practically nothing. Plus, since she's a Certified Nurse's Assistant, she might be able to help you come up with different meal ideas that would help with my heartburn!".

OMFreakinGod!!! I was so pissed I couldn't even see straight! Am I completely crazy, or would you have been mad too?!

So, I unload on him, of course...told him everything I told you in this post. He says, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way." Then he says, "I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy spending time with her...she's alot of fun!". As if I'm not any fun.

I spent the whole night sobbing my heart out. I love that man so much, but I think that he thinks I'm boring and too uptight.

I don't know what to do...:(

Icicles!

2006-01-08T12:10:00.000-09:00

We took the kids outside to play this morning. There were icicles hanging all over the house, and they had a blast playing with them. It felt great to get out and get some fresh air. My head felt like it was wrapped in cobwebs when I woke up this morning, but not anymore! Here's a photo of the kids with their icicles...aren't they cute?

The First One!

2006-01-07T21:04:00.000-09:00

So, here it is...my very first entry in the blog world.

Today was a very strange day..

I went to a baby's funeral. She was the 3.5 month old daughter of the aide at my son's daycare, and she died from aspirating her formula. It was so sad to sit there and listen to her parents talk about her short life. All I wanted to do was get back home to my own 2 kids and gather them close in a big bear hug.

After the funeral, we took the kids snowmachining and sledding with their cousins. We had a total blast, but I couldn't shake the depression I felt after the funeral. I hope I never have to go thru losing a child.

So now that you've made it thru this depressing post, I will be posting more light-hearted things as time goes by!

TaTa for now!